#making the executive decision to call it as done as it's ever going to be

[inseparabiles]

> Geta couldn’t be here, Emperor. He is unwell. >> He should be here. He would be so happy for me.

[abrahamvanhelsings]

#i can and will die on the hill that ned little - the actual lt. little of the show - is as far removed from the sad wet doormat of a man#that fanon likes to portray him as; as humanly possible#the closest correlation between fanon!ned and actual canon!ned is his prolonged misery and level of worry-induced distress#he's more than competent - we see it time and again throughout the first half of the show#but the biggest indication of this is crozier himself handing little his pistol when he goes into self-imposed rehab#HE WOULDN'T DO THAT IF HE DIDN'T THINK EDWARD WAS CAPABLE OF HANDLING THE SITUATION.#crozier's not a man to mince words or spare feelings - if he thought little unequal to the task he would've handed his pistol to fitzjames#instead; but no. he chooses edward precisely bc he knows edward is loyal and steadfast and capable of doing what needs to be done

#edward is the one who falters in that scene; not bc he's too overwhelmed to cope but because he knows exactly what is at stake if#anything goes wrong during crozier's convalescence; the lives of a hundred+ men turning on a dime should crozier not survive his withdrawal#and he's not wrong to feel daunted by the task! it's an immense amount of responsibility -#one crozier himself bowed and buckled under the second leadership of the expedition was thrust upon him! it's a terrifying situation;#but edward still steps up and in the wake of francis's seclusion; for once; things actually go somewhat smoothly!#the men are faring better without the black cloud of crozier's alcoholism and negativity hanging over them like a shroud;#he's gotten fitzjames off his back for the most part; other than for carnivale. and even here we see edward's diligence and commitment#to his position as first lieutenant of the expedition bc he's the one questioning using vital supplies for a party! he's the one#who agrees that the men need the distraction; but worries if they can afford to foot the bill later;#when things will be more difficult! that is the kind of mindset francis himself displays at the beginning#of the show when he's questioning sir john's decision to press forward despite every sign imaginable telling them not to!#EDWARD WORRIES FOR THE MEN THE SAME WAY CROZIER DOES

#what trips him up; what ends up driving a wedge between him and crozier; what causes little to fuck up the armory situation; is this:#crozier himself. bc francis was a mean drunk. and while in his cups he treated little as no better than a ship's boy; running menial errand#and very literally risking life and limb to indulge the vices of a man who treats him with open contempt (and let's be clear; that man isn'#the captain edward has come to know and respect since they set out from greenhithe - no; that is a stranger wearing his captain's face;#making choices that leave edward feeling frustrated and helpless and enraged)#what crozier's belittling of little's station and rank does during this time is make him deeply insecure of his own purpose and competence;via @boogiewoogieweeb

listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.

[sorrelchestnut]

I've seen a fair number of posts both here and on reddit that question why Tav (or the Dark Urge) would end up as a group leader for any other reason that "game mechanics say so." There's the requisite "okay, well if you play a high charisma character I guess it makes sense," or on the other end of the spectrum, "if you're playing Durge and murder someone right off the bat everyone would be too scared to tell you no." And I get where people are going with this! I really do. But it also fundamentally misunderstands a facet of human nature, which is that the vast majority of people do not actually want to be in charge, because that means being held responsible for the outcome. Accordingly, most people will dither when a group consensus is needed: have none of you ever tried to get a group of friends to agree where to go for dinner? Yeah, it's like that, but waaaay worse.

A lot of times "leadership" is just the willingness to say, "fuck it, y'all do what you want, but I'm doing this." I see it all the time in a corporate environment, where people will go back and forth on group meetings without anyone making a decision until finally one brave soul goes "in my opinion the clear answer is x" and then everyone gratefully goes along with it. Because now it's not their responsibility when something goes wrong! They're just following along with someone else's suggestion, and maybe it works or maybe it doesn't, but at the end of the day they don't have to worry about the consequences unless they're personally affected. In which case they might step up and argue back, and then they're stuck being a leader, too. Welcome to adulthood!

Lae'zel is the only one who ever even tries to exert some kind of control, when she tells you to follow her lead on the ship, or calls you her subordinate in the Grove. But, crucially, she doesn't ever make any serious attempt to take control: you can just tell her, "lol, no," and she sort of confusedly gives way, because she doesn't know how to handle this scenario. In her world there are commanders and subordinates, and everyone knows where they stand and falls in line. She's never actually had to take control of a situation and so at the first sign of resistance she falls back on the dynamic that's familiar to her, which is executing the commands of someone older and more experienced. She goes through a lot of growth over the game, to the point that she can take over as a resistance leader in her own right by the end, but at the beginning she's a wet-behind-her-ears private with some decent combat chops and it shows.

Otherwise, your party consists of:

Shadowheart, who's trained in infiltration and assassination and does NOT want a lot of attention brought to her or her mission for a variety of reasons;

Astarion, who has literally been a slave for two centuries and canonically takes a while to realize that he can exert an opinion beyond complaining about it;

Gale, whose only friend is his cat and couldn't project-manage his way out of a wet paper bag;

Wyll, who was probably trained for command at one point but has been doing the lone-hero thing for a decade and has a very large secret that he's trying to conceal; and,

Karlach, who's only ever been a bodyguard and a soldier and is genuinely just happy to be here.

Honestly, it would be more a surprise if Tav/Durge didn't end up as their unofficial leader, given the general power dynamics at play. The first time Tav/Durge says something like, "fuck it, we need to do something instead of stand around arguing about it, let's go check out those ruins over there," it's a done deal. They're The Captain Now! As long as they don't make decisions that fundamentally oppose something dear and important to the other group members, they're not even going to get any argument. Because at the end of the day, not one of these walking disasters has enough trust in themselves and their decision-making skills to feel any kind of certainty that they can choose the right path forward. If someone else is going to take that decision out of their hands? They're going to follow, no questions asked, right up until the moment they can't.

[blackholesun321]

Shanks Doesn’t Have A Dream! And I Can Prove It!

Ok, y’all, can I talk my shit again? Because I have thoughts and feels about our good old one-armed favorite disaster of a party pirate, Akagami (Red-Haired) Shanks. I’m going to be completely honest: I may have had this rant before, but I can’t find it, and no one else has this take. I need to talk about my vision of him that I’m like 60/40 percent sure is correct canon-wise and would explain so many of his—let’s call them quirks.

I think one of Oda’s beliefs and the teachings that One Piece has so blatantly told us about, such as personal freedom, charting your own destiny, and making your own adventure along the way, are a reflection of Shanks’ character as someone who never got that chance and never would. That, to me, makes him one of the saddest characters in One Piece.

Let me cook here. I’m not going to cite anything because I don’t want to, and I do that enough already in college, so we’re running on trust me: I’ve read the manga and watched a lot of theory videos. So lock in because this is gonna be long.

Anyways, back to my thesis. Shanks is a character of contradictions. He was the youngest person to ever become a Yonko (but then Luffy came in), probably one of the strongest men of his generation. He regularly fought the world’s strongest swordsman for fun. He has a crew whose members each have over a million bounties on their own and are so physically or politically strong that they can stop a war in its tracks just by waltzing in and saying "stop." Not only that, he stopped Kaido in his tracks and made him turn around. His father was the Pirate King and claimed him as his successor; he could even be tied to the Celestial Dragons. He’s charismatic, and when things need to get done, he gets down to business.

On the other hand, he’s also a goofy guy who regularly gets blackout drunk, has a horrible sense of pant style, parties his life away, and thinks bullying kids is the height of comedy. He cares about his kid to the point that he forgets to be a responsible Yonko but also wants to fight him for the One Piece. He seems so blasé about everything but is obviously, in the background, making connections and being all sneaky about something; he has plans but also didn’t decide to go after the One Piece until after his prime. He’s been stagnant but moving and shaking around the world, all for some big ideal, some big plan, something huge.

It is my stance, idea, theory, if you will, that all this makes sense if you look at it from the viewpoint that nothing—not the planning, not stealing the fruit, not the power growth, or making his way to Yonko status, not building his crew, even the hurry-up-and-wait—he’s been doing all these years, his whole life? Is because he’s hasn’t made a single decision for himself since Gol D. Roger died.

Outrageous! You cry! Shanks, a man who supposedly spouts on about being free and charting your own course and being a pirate? Is none of those things? Impossible, you will say. I will ask you how you got into my house and to please leave. But aside from the pirate bit, yes, and I can prove this. Calm my chili-baby’s and listen.

Yes, Shanks had his life taken from his adventure, his destiny set and marked right before the Loguetown execution. It is my belief that all this can be laid at the feet of—drumroll, please—Gol D. Roger himself!

Gasp! Crying! Fainting in the audience! I know, what a twist. Let me explain. In a flashback, we see Roger talking about Ace. It was Roger’s belief that Ace (his child) would be the savior of the world, the new Joy Boy, destined to destroy the World Government with what they learned from the Poneglyphs and Laugh Tale. He believed their generation was too early and that the next would usher in the new world. Ace would be his true successor. A little narcissistic, but a man like Roger probably couldn’t help but be. Not just that but it probably felt prophetic he found Laugh Tale of course that had to mean something?He was also dying as it was and put things in place for Ace to survive. He told Garp where he was so Garp could take him away with Rouge—a safety net, that sure was useful. Once she ya know, died.

With the understanding that the next generation would usher in the new age, Roger took aside a thirteen-year-old Shanks and revealed everything. He told him about the birth of the new Joy Boy, everything about Laugh Tale, and how he believed his son would usher in this age. I believe he gave Shanks this purpose: to pass on the straw hat to his son and help him become a man strong enough to fight the World Government. I think little traumatized Shanks, who is about to lose his father and has had the weight of the world put on his shoulders, takes it to heart and buries everything he is to fulfill his captain's last wish. And that’s horrible. I’ll get into the psychological implications later, but holy shit, Roger, what the fuck? He’s thirteen! And about to watch you die!

But yeah, doesn’t this make sense? Why the hell when Buggy wanted to go after the One Piece, did Shanks hold back and say they should wait, losing his brother because he has a secret his captain entrusted him with. Why the hell did they know about the Gum Gum Fruit and were searching for it? Why did Shanks spend so long on a little island like Fousha in the East Blue? Not only was he looking for the fruit, but he was also looking for Ace! (And maybe Rouge.)

Why has he been making all these connections but doing jack shit with them? Why did he become a Yonko but claim no territory for fucking years on end and do nothing really with his status? Why does he rely on such a small crew of such powerful individuals? Why does he party his life away, seem almost aimless, and not start to go after the One Piece until Luffy reaches Gear 5?

Because he’s the one to pass on the legacy; he’s the placeholder, a cog in the proverbial machine that is fate. He made sure Joy Boy would exist. And now that the dominoes have been placed and are falling fast, he’s going to challenge Luffy and make sure he’s strong enough to fight for it—strong enough to take on the World Government, the Celestial Dragons, and Imu—and then hand him a big red button to help do it afterward. That button will be all the sneaky shit he’s been doing in the background.

He’s been the bridge between his captain and this new age. Sure, it was too early, but his influence rippled out through the people he trusted and touched in his life. The same way Rayleigh trained Luffy, knowing what he was preparing him for in the next part of his journey, waiting years for him to arrive at Sabaody.

And all that needed to happen was the dreams, adventures, and sacrifices of a young boy. It’s almost poetic—a son for a son (or sun, in this case). My therapist says I make light of dark shit so I don’t have to emotionally feel the pain.

And now we get into the sad portion of today’s episode. Prepare the tissues because this is why I think Shanks is one of the saddest characters in One Piece.

Because think about it: Shanks’s life was charted for him; his adventure and future were stolen, decided with the reveal of Laugh Tale and all the secrets around it—everything, all so the next generation could one day rise up and bring a new dawn. Shanks never got to have a dream because it was stolen from him. He’s a walking, talking empty automaton, fulfilling his captain's dying promise made by a grieving thirteen-year-old.

He is dreamless, and for a man who is, in some sense, the freest in the world—can go anywhere, can do anything, is powerful enough to stop wars—he’s still trapped, chained to a future he can only wait for.

I don’t think he knows who he is outside of this. I don’t think he thinks he’ll live beyond it. (Which like I will fucking cry because this is gonna be kinda true.) I don’t even want to call it an ambition. Duty, maybe. Damned promise, more likely. And it’s ruined every relationship outside of it he’s ever had. Aside from one—

(Don’t even get me started on him and Mihawk and miscommunication, failed expectations, and Mihawk being the epitome of everything Shanks isn’t. With his dream chasing to the ends of the world, ending up unfulfilled and alone. Finding companionship and what he thought were similar drives in each other, but once Shanks lost his arm and his hat, he realized Shanks was never fighting for something he wanted. And it broke him a little; it broke their relationship—one of the only relationships Shanks chose for himself, with nothing to do with his mission.

And Buggy—he gave up his brother, was forced to leave him alone, and couldn’t say anything, couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t destroy his dream. And he couldn’t even be selfish enough to make him stay. Like, oh my God, the drama.)

Doomed yaoi aside, the only thing and person I think that messed up his perfectly made plans is Luffy.

Sweet baby Luffy wasn’t so sweet before the Red Force arrived. In the manga, it is mentioned that he was an angry, bitter child, lashing out almost like Ace to a degree. But Shanks, by just being kind, by being good, and by reaching out and teasing this little ball of anger, transforms him, saves him in a way. He gives him a drive, a dream, and a morality to live by. He gives him everything he never got—everything stripped from him. Shanks turns him into the type of person a special kind of Devil Fruit might call out to and get eaten by.

Nika chose Luffy because Shanks saved him by just being good and kind, giving this kid something beyond his anger and bitterness. Shanks gave Luffy the idea of freedom, and in return, he allowed Shanks’s perfectly clear mission to shatter. I think this Shanks makes the first real decision in his life: he goes, "Fuck, well, we’re backing this horse now," and Luffy becomes his child—not his captain's, but his future to bet on and help grow.

And I fucking love that. Luffy saves him just as he saved Luffy, in a way. And that’s his kid, his successor, more than it ever was for Roger. I will die on this hill. (If you want, you can even look at it as Shanks finally choosing a dream all his own and it’s Luffy.)

Will Oda see it this way? Probably not. He has a habit of brushing off stuff like this; I think he’ll make Shanks’s character into a noble man dedicated to stopping the World Government and not even think about the implications of tying all that to him at such a young age. But I do think Shanks expects to die when Luffy comes to fight; I think he wants to, just how Mihawk wants to die from Zoro’s blades. Because what is there beyond this? (And again, parallels!)

And I believe he will live! (Not Mihawk—he's gonna die.) Shanks will live, and symbolically, Luffy will free him from this self-imposed duty, this promise made by a child. Shanks will have made, even unwittingly, the thing that would free him, allowing him to move forward in a world where all the purposes he needs to find are his own.

And holy shit, that’s a lot for him, but then Blackbeard will happen, and he’ll die only having known freedom for a short while. Luffy will cry and create a new dawn, and it won’t be for nothing—except it will be for everything to Shanks.

In conclusion, Shanks doesn’t have a dream of his own. He never had a dream; if he did, it was squashed out of him in order to fulfill a promise set by his father, Gol D. Roger.

He loses his brother, loses his control over his destiny, and as his father sets such things into motion, Ace, Roger’s child, will become the new Joy Boy.

He makes a connection with someone outside of that mission and purpose, and in doing so, creates the opportunity for his own freedom and his own choice in Luffy.

Later down the line, Nika/Luffy will eventually free him in the same way he created his own freedom back then, giving him a new choice going forward. They will free him from the mission that was placed on his shoulders as a thirteen-year-old child, and afterwards, he will consequently be killed by Blackbeard, and everything will be horrible, and we will all cry. The end.

I hope everyone enjoyed this thesis on Shanks. Feel free to use it and steal it to your hearts content. I would love to write more if anyone has any questions or things they want to ask; I will be opening up my ask box for questions. I would love to go into more detail on his relationship with Luffy, his rivalry with Blackbeard, and how that ties into all of this, as well as his relationship with Mihawk (fuck man the parallels!!) or maybe Buggy. (Which I have less on it’s just really tragic.)

[alchemistc]

for love that i'll keep tending | bucktommy 1/1

read on ao3

Tommy has been... stewing, for most of the night. There's no way around it.

He's been reserved, picking at the label on his latest craft beer, something he'd actually used his timeshare on the chopper to fly out to Colorado to pick up because Buck had gone down a research spiral and mentioned might be fun to try (after he'd gotten teary-eyed about the one dedicated to a brewery dog who'd passed), only the brewery didn't ship.

Eddie is almost positive they haven't had a fight. He'd spent an entire 24 with Buck, and even if Buck had been keeping silent about it -- unlikely, but always a possibility -- he'd definitely have been brooding about it. But he'd been normal. For the general rule of Buck, anyway, he'd been normal. Maybe even a little more chipper than usual. When he'd smacked a hand to Eddie's shoulder on the way to his Jeep, he hadn't even done the usual rigamarole of acting a little jealous about Eddie and Tommy spending time together without him.

Shit, is Buck losing interest?

But -- no.

No, because a week ago they'd gone to a call for a lost little girl in the canyon, and when they'd gotten to her and she'd told them all about going camping with her dads, and how she'd gotten turned around and lost, Buck had done his normal routine with kids and charmed her into calm, and when they'd found the guys frantically searching for their daughter an hour and a half later, Buck had gotten a look in his eye that Eddie had been seeing a lot of lately.

There was the general look he always gave kids -- babies especially, but kids in general -- like he found them more precious than anything else in the world. And then there was the look he reserved for parents and their kids -- contemplative, a little wistful, like he was remembering there was someone out there in the world with half his genetic makeup.

And then there was the one for gay men and their children. It wasn't like it happened a lot, but often enough that even Eddie sometimes wondered if Buck wasn't accidentally manifesting these meetings. It'd been happening with greater frequency since the moment Andi from B shift had unceremoniously dumped her new baby into Tommy's arms so that she could grab a slice of Bobby's famous apple pie before it was gone. Tommy'd been magnanimous enough to refuse to hand the baby back for most of the evening, eyeing her frazzled hair and the circles under her eyes and making the executive decision that she needed a break, even if it was just forty-five minutes at the station while they all celebrated the new arrival and the extra two weeks of maternity leave they'd had to practically sue the city for.

Buck's love of kids seemed to have laser-focused since seeing Tommy rocking a baby in one arm while he spoon-fed Jee-Yun cake in the seat next to his.

And Eddie hasn't ever really talked to Tommy about kids, in general. He's good with Chris, unfazed in the face of all his angsty teenage moods, happy to be drawn into conversations that even Eddie and Buck sometimes aren't sure how to navigate. He knows Jee's a little obsessed with him, and that it's a point of pride for Tommy. Denny and Mara are always begging Hen to invite him over more.

Maybe it's finally hitting, though? That a future with Buck almost certainly means children, at some point?

The heavyweight match ends with a technical KO in the third round and Eddie stands to grab another round of beers.

"I bought a ring on my day off," Tommy says, staring hard at his mostly empty growler, and Eddie drops back into his recliner with a grunt.

"Okay," Eddie tells him, leaning in with his elbows on his knees. Neither one of them speaks as the next bout is announced. It's technically the one they went halvsies on the package for, but Eddie doubts either one of them cares enough about it to refocus. "I gotta say, man, if you're having second thoughts I'm the wrong person to talk to, because I'm gonna get defensive and tell you you're a damn fool, and I doubt it's gonna be helpful."

Tommy turns to give him a look so unimpressed that Eddie's actually a little jealous. That, at least, is helpful.

"Okay. Good. Great, even. So, what exactly is it that's been making you leak existential dread all over my couch since you got here?"

Eddie can think of a couple different possibilities. He isn't Buck-close with Tommy, but they talk, and it's not like he hasn't been around the two of them together enough to not have been privy to some of the more intimate conversations they've had. Family is a rough subject for all of them. So there's still that glaring what if they haven't talked about kids possibility. Or just a general fear that Buck isn't ready for this step -- completely unfounded, but Tommy's a lot more insecure about this stuff than he tends to let on.

Tommy grimaces. Gestures vaguely, and shakes his head, before he finally makes eye contact. "Evan's the grand gestures guy. And now I've got a ring burning a hole in my pocket, and jack shit as far as how to propose."

And this -- this is actually the most delightful answer he could have given. This is primo blackmail material. The best man speech is literally gonna write itself.

Eddie lets him stir in it for a hot minute. He tilts his head back and forth, nods to himself, rolls his tongue over his teeth, waits, waits, waits until Tommy narrows his eyes at him and reaches for a bottle cap on the coffee table to toss at Eddie's head.

Eddie laughs. "You could ask him two days laid up in bed with the flu, covered in flop sweat, and the answer would be the same."

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Clearly my point is that he deserves more than that, and I don't have a clue where to start."

"Well," Eddie starts, "I'm aware that everyone and their mother thinks I have a secret, elaborate proposal planned out for Buck already, but I am once again reminding you that we've been over this and I'm not actually hiding any unrequited feelings for the man you want to be your husband. So."

That saga won't make it into the speech. That's a private little story for the three of them to look back on, twenty years from now, and laugh about. That's a weekend stretch of conversations in the woods of Big Bear, sharing a tent that really should have only fit one of them, that Eddie will never be able to properly express his gratitude for.

"So you've got nothing," Tommy says, a little accusatory, a lot bitchy.

"Buck likes making big gestures, man. I have zero point of reference on what he'd like if the tables were turned."

But -- actually.

Tommy huffs, melting into the couch cushions like his marionette strings have been cut.

There's a thought percolating, though. He's just not sure --

"I shouldn't be worried," Tommy says, more to himself than to Eddie. It'd been an interesting revelation, half-a-year in, finding out that Tommy was actually kind of a yapper, once he was comfortable with someone. "We've talked about this. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. I don't know why I'm building this up in my head."

Which is unintentionally the most helpful thing he's said so far.

"I have... an idea," Eddie drops, tentative, as Pereira once again proves why he gets the title card every time he fights. Tommy's eyes snap to his, interested. "Depends how much you trust Jee to keep a secret."

She's her fathers daughter, so very little should be the answer. They'll have to keep her in the dark until day of. Probably find a way to keep Buck distracted until things are fully in motion.

Tommy leans in.

_____

Eddie's still riding the high of finally beating Josh and Maddie at pool when Buck and Tommy slide into the bar, the two of them grinning ear to ear. Eddie spots it first, and shoots a wide eyed look at Tommy, because they'd spent a week trying to plot out a time when everyone necessary to The Plan would be available for a long enough time to make it work without cutting corners. That day is still... three and a half weeks away.

And Buck's got a ring on his finger. Eddie's already seen it up close, a simple gold band, an inscription on the inside he doesn't really know the significance of, even if it'd made Tommy go a little moony-eyed when Eddie read it aloud.

Tommy... is also wearing a ring.

Dios, did Buck go out and buy a ring the night Tommy came over for the fights?

They're made for each other. They're both insane.

Buck isn't exactly subtle when he slams his hand down on the eight-top they'd snaked half an hour ago, and if Maddie hadn't immediately shrieked and drawn the attention of half the bar, Eddie is certain he'd have wiggled his fingers for emphasis. Maybe done a jig before he Vanna'd Tommy's bling, too.

Josh immediately monopolizes all of Buck's attention by demanding Buck tell him the story with haste, Buckley, so Eddie gets a chance to raise an eyebrow at Tommy, who quickly rolls his jaw to hide the massive grin threatening to overtake his entire face.

"Well I wasn't dying of dysentery," Tommy deadpans, as the smile leaks through at the corners of his mouth. His nose scrunches when he tries to bite it down.

"He forgot to put the box away before I got back from my run," Tommy admits, cheeks dimpling, and then the fight is out of him, left fist clenched tight so that the thick band catches in the overhead light, deep grooves stretching towards his ears as he unleashes the depths of his happiness upon the world.

Eddie can picture the mad scramble, the awareness that he's been caught, the doe-eyed grin that seems to be reserved specifically for Tommy.

Buck is making a gesture that is probably less obscene than it looks, based on the way Maddie continues to grin without any sign of pulling a face. Josh is sighing.

Chimney and Hen are gonna be pissed they were running late.

Eddie owes Hen twenty bucks.

("Yeah, have you met them? I'm taking bets right now, there's no way Tommy lasts a month with a ring and a plan.")

Maddie seems to realize at the same moment as Buck that they'd narrowed their focus so completely that the prospective fiance has had time to order drinks. She rounds on Tommy with the same unhinged joy she'd fostered in her brother, growing up.

"You didn't tell me!" she says, and Eddie assumes that means Tommy had (eventually, and god does he know way too much about how active their sex life is) divulged his plan.

"You would have told Howie," Tommy accuses, and when Maddie doesn't deny it Tommy just looks smug. His grin goes soft around the edges when he catches Buck beaming at him over his sisters shoulder.

Eddie takes the opportunity, before the rest of the party arrives and derails the conversation for a second retelling, to round the table and gather Buck up in a hug.

Buck's embrace is tight, and maybe a little teary. Eddie clings back, and thinks of the years and years of disappointed hopes, the loves that fizzled out, or burst into flames, the thing behind Buck's eyes that had only made itself known after Tommy stuck around.

Hen and Chim find them like that. He doesn't even let her get a word out before he's giving Buck a hearty smack on the back and digging for his wallet.

[algae-tm]

Kill Bill P.7

Charles Leclerc x famous singer ex!reader

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Author’s note : all the songs are real although I’ve played around with who’s featured on what, but I recommend everyone listen to the songs I’ve chosen not for any particular reason just cause they slap and I had such fun creating a playlist for this AU.

Also, I have WAYYY too much time on my hands now that uni is over… so hope you enjoy - Algae🌱

•••••

INSTAGRAM

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liked by y/bff/n, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 32,324,487 others

yourusername : ‘TIDES’ out now on all streaming platforms 💚

y/bff/n : Now you did not play me Cellophane when i listened to this earlier! Why do you have me crying in walgreens by the edamame beans??

— yourusername : girl? do you want me to come get you?

— y/bff/n : please.

— y/bff/n : HURRY UP nobody gets me started playing and the cashier is wondering why I’m using grapes to dry my tears.

user1 : y/bff/n is so real for that cause what do you mean, “didn’t I do it for you, why don’t I do it for you?” y/n please explain yourself STAT!

— user3 : no cause the most devastating part, ‘WHEN ALL I DO IS FOR YOU’ y/n I’m in your walls, how dare you start an album like that wtf?

user4 : oh okay 😀

lewishamilton : So fun collabing with you

user5 : no cause we were robbed! we should’ve had XNDA on girls need love.

— yourusername : I was not about to sing about fucking and sucking with my surrogate uncle! Even could’ve been was too much for me. y’all should be lucky I brought the old man out of retirement

— lewishamilton : glad you made that executive decision but I’m not that old :(

danielricciardo : me rn - 🎧😭🕺🪩😭😢

— yourusername : I appreciate you Danny 💚

— yourusername : but make sure you give your therapist a ring yeah?

— danielricciardo : on call with her rn!

user5 : what’s everyone’s favourite track and why is it love on the brain?

— user6 : how could you even choose?? This might be a no skip album I fear.

user8: I’m sorry y/n did not lay out the 5 minute from the heart ballad that is Ex-Factor for y’all to just not talk about it??

— user9: “no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will!” You listening Lord Perceval????

— user16: “no matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know… IT AIN’T WORKING.”

— user13: but like if she’s trying to send a message to Charles it’s a bit disjointed no?

— user10: ex-factor isn’t to Charles Leclerc

— user11: be so fr who is it for then??

— user10: it’s obviously y/n grappling with her conflicting emotions… it’s not meant to be for Charles. This whole album is her going through it. She’s sorting thru her emotions. Are y’all dumb or stupid?

— user15: alright now

user21: AHHSHHEJSJSJSKEDVDKZKSUDJ

— user23: real.

hallebailey: call me asap for any more collabs, had such fun on Forgive Me!

— yourusername: love you hal x

— chloebailey: do not call her! She got her chance call me! (liked by yourusername)

y/bff/n: SUPERMODEL??!!?? Another one you didn’t let me listen to???

— yourusername: cause I knew you’d smack me upside the head for begging a man to see me as pretty enough.

— user24: WHO DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE PRETTY ENOUGH?! CHARLES?!! LET ME AT HIM!

oscarpiastri: on repeat 🎶

— user31: Oscar 😭 it’s giving desperate

— user26: keep commenting, she’ll reply one day!

— user27: bros talking to himself in her comments

sza: album of the year I fear

— yourusername: Solana 💚 couldn’t have done it without you

user32: @oscarpiastri are you the homeboy she’s been secretly banging like she says on supermodel?

— yourusername: I have NOT been secretly banging anyone’s homeboy! Supermodel is the only track with joint writing creds! I fear @sza came up with that lyric. (Comment deleted by yourusername)

— user34: NO Y/N let Charles think you’ve been secretly doing Oscar!

— user35: @user34 love me some psychological warfare!

landonorris: first!

— yourusername: you literally are the last person to comment😒😒

••••

Y/N Strips Off Expectations on Her New Album ‘TIDES’

R&B superstar delivers sharp barbs and haunting melodies on her long-awaited LP, amidst relationship drama with ex Charles Leclerc.

By Will Dukes

June 10, 2024

If you thought the singles released prior to the album were indicative of the direction this LP would take, think again. Y/n’s highly anticipated latest release, "TIDES," is an ambitious and masterful exploration of love's euphoria and its darker, toxic undertones. Known for her sultry R&B style, y/n transcends genre boundaries in this 15-track opus, weaving together dance, electronic, pop, and reggae influences to craft a cohesive narrative.

The album opens with "Cellophane," a haunting electronic ballad reminiscent of FKA Twigs' ethereal work. This opening track is something we’ve never seen from y/n, yet her delicate vocals float over a sparse, echoing production, setting a tone of vulnerability and foreshadowing the emotional journey ahead. This track is a stunning prologue, drawing listeners into a world where love is as fragile as the titular cellophane.

As we transition to the 3rd track of the album "Forgive Me," the album's pulse quickens. The track opens with a haunting, ethereal intro that quickly gives way to a pulsating beat and assertive bass line, setting a commanding tone. Y/n’s and Halle’s harmonies are immediately striking, blending seamlessly while each woman’s distinct vocal timbre adds depth and texture to the song. Their voices convey both strength and a sense of liberation as they sing about reclaiming their power and refusing to apologize for their choices. Mid-album, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" introduces a surprising but seamless shift. The pop-reggae rhythm provides a laid-back contrast to the preceding tracks, reflecting a momentary calm in the tumultuous relationship. Yet, y/n’s lyrics hint at something more sinister, the song can be seen as a warning, y/n clearly saying to her listeners I’ve made mistakes and here is how you can avoid them.

I won’t blame anyone for mistaking her single “Kill Bill” as the climax of the album. That is what y/n wants you to believe but the climax arrives with "Mary Magdalene" an electronic ballad that ties with the opening track “Cellophane.” For me "Mary Magdalene," is a standout, embodying the album's central themes. Drawing on the figure of Mary Magdalene, y/n reclaims and redefines her story, exploring themes of femininity, devotion, and resilience. The song's intricate layering and hypnotic rhythms create an almost spiritual experience, inviting listeners to delve into its complex emotional landscape. The production is haunting, with distorted synths and echoing beats mirroring the disintegration of trust and affection. y/n’s vocal performance here is raw and powerful, her pain palpable as she sings, "a woman’s touch, a sacred geometry. I know where you start where you end. How to please, how to curse.”

"TIDES" concludes with "Mirrored Heart," a poignant ballad that brings the narrative full circle, echoing the album’s opening. With an album so tumultuous listeners would probably wish for a sense of closure. This song does not give you that, rather you’ll be left questioning ‘what’s next.” y/n’s voice, both fragile and resilient, lingers long after the final note.

In "TIDES," y/n not only expands her musical palette but also delivers a profound and relatable story. This album is a testament to her artistry, marking her as a versatile, timeless and fearless force in contemporary music. It’s a disjointed album, songs sometimes seem out of place, but like the title “TIDES,” suggests, and given the situation that inspired the album, that is exactly the atmosphere y/n was looking to create.

••••

INSTAGRAM

charles_leclerc

Liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 1,256,712 others

charles_leclerc : best believe I’ll move on to better things

user1: do y’all hear that?

user3: not you using lyrics from y/n’s song it’s giving desperate.

user4: poor Alex

landonorris: what is bro doing lmao

user5: oh -

arthur_leclerc: if before you had a chance now you have 0 😂

— user5: oh Arthur’s messy messy

—lorenzotl: we want our sister in law back, and this idiot isn’t doing us any favours.

user6: I’m sorry this is so disrespectful to Alex. Just cause you guys broke up doesn’t mean you can do this

user7: lmao get a life

carlossainz55: cabron… this is not what we agreed you’d do 😅

lewishamilton: 😒

— danielricciardo: 😒

— georgerussel63: 😒

— y/bff/n: 😒

— francisca.cgomes: 😒

pierregasly: brother delete this 😔

— oscarpiastri: 😂

(this post has been deleted)

••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee @callsignwidow

[kelpweedkelpweedingkelpweeds]

Reading analysis about Cal while screaming into the void known as an empty room and here to publish my unneeded thoughts about my blorbo.

Cal deserved more screen time, he deserved more chapters of his POV and honestly VA did him so dirty 😔

Because our dear RQ characters are definitely unreliable narrators, the reader’s perception of characters is based on their own POVs and how other characters perceive them. Unfortunately, every character describes Cal as a lovesick puppy, a mopey matchstick, a dense moron and everything in between. It's not that these are wrong, they're part of his character, but these are incredibly surface level traits which leads to the general perception of Cal’s character being superficial, bland and boring. It seems like his only purpose in the story is to be Mare’s love interest because Maven betrayed her.

However, he has a whole lot of untapped potential. My man did not get betrayed by Mare, betrayed by his brother, find out his mother was murdered buy Elara, get forced to kill his own father, lose everything he had and got sentenced to execution all in 1 day for people to call him boring. Honestly, when I listed it out like that, I truly realised how crazy the whole situation was. Within the span of a day he lost any form of stability he had even known in his life, and found out that one if not the closest person to him (maven) was a lie. If that isn't traumatic, I really wouldn't like to hear whatever other definition of trauma there is out there. I think the only reason we very much overlook Cal's trauma is because 1. It happened in real time, 2. He's no longer a child, 3. We didn't see it from his POV and 4. In this scene he and his father are technically the "bad guys".

Here's the thing though, he has never talked about it. Not once. Never. The closest we ever saw this man to losing his mind was when he was planning the Corros prison break. He'd never mentioned this trauma from any POV, not even his own. Maven told Mare about how Elara messed up everything in his brain, and how he never recovered from it. For Cal, we never found out how he dealt with it and how close to the brink of insanity he was. If he ever just felt like exploding and destroying everything. Nobody except Mare ever asked him if he was ok. He had every right to go mad. But he didn't. Some miraculous way, Cal managed to maintain some semblance of sanity and that is unimaginable mental strength like holy shit.

Another way too glossed over plot point was why he chose the crown over mare in the epilogue of KC. This one I get genuinely frustrated over sometimes because there were so many reasons for him to make that decision. I know many people have talked about this before but I'm just going to repeat it 1. It's the best political move in the situation. Cal isn't stupid, no matter how many people seem to think he is. He knows better than to let the place of King open for anyone to snatch up and that it was the only way the Silvers and the Scarlet Guard would ever work together. 2. To him it's his moral obligation. Cal's loyalty and sense of duty is a huge part of his character. All his life he's been told it's his responsibility, his destiny to become king and serve the people. Not only that, the crown is his family's legacy and considering the fact that he was the one to behead his own father Cal likely feels even more morally obligated to become king. The words he said to Mare, "I love you and I want you more than anything else in this world". He uses the word "want", but how can a want, a desire ever compare to what he believes is a need, an obligation? It's not that he didn't love mare enough like Evangeline suggested, or that he fell prey to the power's lure like Mare insinuated in the epilogue. He did what he full heartedly believed was right, and unfortunately this was barely touched upon in war storm which made me want to tear my hair out.

This yap session is nearly done, just hold on a bit longer. The last thing that DEFINITELY should have gotten more words was his ultimate decision to abdicate. All we got was him reading Coriane's diary, Evangeline telling him "if it's not too late for me, it's not too late for you" and then the decision. WHERE'S THE IN-BETWEEN THOUGHT PROCESS? He read through Coriane's diary and realised that she wanted her son to have a different life, and of course he probably had some thoughts about it. Considering how he knew the Scarlet Guard and Montfort weren't with him, how he still loved Mare, perhaps realizing what his life could have been with an alive mother was what tipped him over the edge. Perhaps it was loyalty to his mother he never had the chance to know, loyalty to the little of her forever bound in a gold-covered book, buried in the graveyard known as time. Maybe he asked Julian who seemed to want him to reconsider his decision as king, but we'll never know because it wasn't written 😭😭😭

Cal is incredibly kind, loyal, warm, passionate, motivated, and indecisive, and I love that about him. His story could have been a tragedy, a prodigy put on a pedestal that had everything and was forced to be everything, reduced to nothing in an instant. But it wasn't. He found love in a girl that took everything from him, and rebuilt himself a far better life from the ashes of nothing. Normally the circle between characters I like and characters I respect rarely overlap, but somehow this 6'3 adorable ass dork stuck himself straight in both and this is why I will defend what his character is and could have been. Thank you for attending my Tedtalk, it's literally all my thoughts about this man exploding into text and falling onto a Tumblr post.

This is me getting distracted from writing Fated god send help I just can't stay on track

Funny story I wanted to copy this essay into a document for fun just to see how many words and guess who highlighted a portion of it and clicked space by accident. Hahaha (that whole thing was 1000 words btw I need to learn to shut up)

[rhiannonsknife]

IM BAAAACK life has been creatively rotting my brain but i reappear! this time not with smut (rip but it will be back) but with mind-numbing fluff

i've been thinking a lot about the fact that rhiannon is painfully lonely in canon and it always makes me go insane and crazy... i need to be the one to show her the affection she's been craving for so long! it starts off small - making her coffee because you notice how she always brings coffee to her coworkers with no thank you's. then you start bringing her little gifts, small things like staplers or hole punches that you've heard her complaining about because the ones she's been given don't work. it's at this point that she's already head over heels for you, and you've barely done anything but show her human decency. you don't even have to think about your response when she asks you out on a date; it's an immadiate yes. when the two of you start dating, you always find a way to go above and beyond. flowers in a nice vase when she gets a raise at work, a bath drawn with a bath bomb and candles because she texted you that she wasn't feeling well, and frequent date nights with the best wine you can afford. she's not at all used to anyone in her life being this kind to her, and the first few times you show her affection, she busts out into tears (and even after that, she gets misty-eyed every time). you just love her so much that you want to make sure that she gets treated like she should've always been treated this whole time

also making the executive decision to sign off with 🪐 from now on

welcome 🪐 anon!! <3 i adore your thoughts omg!! seeing you in my inbox never fails to make my day!!! 😁

this is something i think about alllll the time!! my number 1 love language is definitely either gift-giving or acts of service but like…i‘d go CRAZY with these for rhiannon!!! i could fix her guys!!

she’s so startled to find that first coffee on her desk that marks the beginning of your relationship. her eyes would be so wide in surprise. sure, she’s been the one to make coffee for her colleagues all the time, but not once had anyone acknowledged that, let alone bothered to return the favor. ever. but you’ve seen her. of course you have. your heart had ached for her every time she’d brought coffee for her coworkers only to be ignored all over again. it was about time someone did something nice for her.

her reaction, however, has you wondering how long it truly has been since somebody did something for rhiannon. anything at all.

she’s sputtering on and on about how you “didn’t have have to do that” and how she’ll “definitely pay you back” for going out of your way to bring some good coffee from the café down the road instead of the shitty kind from the office’s machine.

from this point forward, you always bring her coffee whenever you go out for your break. it becomes your little routine: walking past her desk, calling out her name, and watching how her head will instantly snap in your direction. the smile she flashes you every time is what gets you through your shifts. you learn rhiannon’s coffee order by heart before you make up a nickname for her that only you ever use so she'll know you're approaching just be the way you're cheerfully calling "rhee" through the office. you learn, over time, that she’s got a massive sweet tooth and start bringing a cookie to her coffee as well.

it becomes your thing. something the two of you share in the otherwise rather boring everyday life. if rhiannon is still out by the time you come back, you’ll leave the things on her desk and she will know that you’ve thought of her when she comes back. she could quite literally combust whenever she gets back to a warm coffee and a snack left for here because for the first time, someone cares!! someone sees!! just when she thinks she couldn’t fall even more in love with you from afar, you come up with yet another thing to brighten up her days: she hadn’t thought anyone would overhear her cursing the cheap hole punchers everyone’s been given until she finds a brand new, perfectly working one along her coffee one day.

she looks at you from across the room, clearly in disbelief, and just barely catches your knowing smile as you quickly turn away.

when you start dating, shortly after this incident, it is only because rhiannon finally has it in herself to approach you: she is so nervous to talk to you that she literally has to give herself a mental pep talk before approaching your desk at all. on top of that, she's too flustered to actually call it what she wants it to be -a date- and you have to take over, sensing her endearing nervousness. “i was- uhm- well i was wondering if you’d wanna come grab a coffee? i was about to leave but i think your lunch break is about to start too, isn’t it? not that i was like- stalking your lunch break schedule, or whatever! i just thought it would be nice…” she's blushing like crazy, ready for immediate rejection. instead, you smile at her and ask: “as a date?” god, rhiannon could melt right then and there!!! she would, but you instantly get up when she confirms this, so there's no time to.

after this, there’s quite literally no stopping you.

once she’s your girlfriend officially you make it your job to ensure rhiannon never feels lonely or invisible ever again. that first time she comes home to you being there, it’s already enough for her to feel appreciated: to come back to a house that actually feels like home with somebody waiting for her. and that’s before she walks in and sees all that you’ve prepared for her: homemade dinner, candles set up on the table, a fresh bouquet of her favorite flowers…

rhiannon starts sobbing instantly. you’re so worried, thinking you’ve overstepped or done something wrong to upset her. that is until she wraps her arms around you and covers you in kisses, hoarsely thanking you for the surprise. “i don’t deserve you” she claims through the tears. “i really, really don’t deserve you”

but of course she does and, of course, you’ll do it again. whether it’s by “small” gestures like sending her playlists of songs that make you think of her, remembering her favorite snacks when you’re out grocery shopping or taking care of her after a rough day, running her a bath and washing her hair for her or bigger things you prepare for her. surprise date nights that take some time to prepare but it’s all worth it when you get to watch rhiannon’s reaction. a planned trip for her birthday, where you take her somewhere nice that she always wanted to visit. literally anything to make her happy and give her the life she always deserved!!!!! <333

[prinzrupprecht]

Okita x female reader accidentally making them cry in a argument

Kind of using the old layout. Normally I make new ones. Anyway this will be Okita making fem!reader/your OC cry. Situation is a bit different than what happened in the manga.

Synopsis: normally you never upset him until you got yourself in dangerous situations. This started when you wanted to help them beat Serizawa’s faction. He was against you helping them in any way. This caused a major argument because what were you then? You were supposed to be a fighter. Little had you known he was doing so to protect you.

Warnings? Some Chiruran spoilers.

WC: 962

You had done it again. You went against their orders and spoke to Niimi in private about Abiru’s death who was suddenly killed and you suspected him. Souji was furious along with Hijikata. You put yourself in a dangerous situation. It was practically forbidden to get into altercations with other members or else you have to seppuku.

“It doesn’t matter, I want to be the one to kill Niimi.” Saitou was also mad at you for taking the matter into your own hands.

“I know he was the one that killed Abiru… it’s just… not fair.” He was clenching his fists tightly before storming out of the room. You weren’t wanting to kill Niimi but you wanted to know the reason why he killed him.

“Why did you go?” Okita pulled you to the side. He was now an executive of the newest Aizu domain unit called the Shinsengumi.

“I don’t know, I was mad. Do you need to question everything I do?” You brushed him off. Your heart was stammering in your chest and Souji was ignoring what you had said to him.

Souji was someone closer to you than the others. Even when you’ve wanted to be alone, he always somehow liked your company and silence. He started to grow worried over the years when you became more involved in their fightings. He even brought such concerns about how he didn’t want you to fight and get hurt. Not after the first time when you two were teens and got severely injured. Souji was crying and blaming himself over your injuries against some ronin who had attacked you in broad daylight. Souji had since, been more cautious and refused to let you get hurt again.

“That's not… why I’m upset. Niimi-san could’ve done something to you or Serizawa-san—"

“He’s right,” Yamanami over heard you two talking but decided to stay out of it. The tension between you and Souji was getting heated from the looks of it.

“I’m fine, they won’t do anything to me.” You huffed and Souji was growing irritated the more you were refusing his orders. He was one of the higher-ups and you were disobeying him? How could you be so certain they won’t hurt you?

You could feel his eyes burn in the back of your head. “Could you at least tell me if you were going to do something like that next time?” Souji wanted to call your decisions stupid which would’ve been the first ever he had said something mean to someone. He was upset and hurt over it. Niimi was a creep and someone to not trust and the fact you went into Kamo’s residence could’ve meant anything. It terrified him. You were someone too important to him to lose.

“Why? So you could stop me? I was mad and I just… wanted some form of closure over what happened to our comrade.” You were holding back from bursting into tears. Now he’s mad at you… he could understand how you felt but it was too rash to barge into the other residence to demand answers.

“What you did was idiotic… and it pains me to see you do that. Don’t you think of the others? Me? Kondo?” Souji was clenching his jaw in anger but he didn’t or wouldn’t ever raise his voice at you. He was not that kind of man. He still very much cared and loved you despite if you never wanted him.

Souji didn’t know what to say for a moment. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, that is all.” He looked down despondently. Why was he being a coward of his own feelings? You knew he loved you more fondly than platonic, but were you pushing him away? You fell silent and he spoke again.

“Next time you disobey orders, Kondo-san may have to relieve you from your duties.” He stopped as he saw you sob quietly on your mattress from bottling up your emotions from the past few hours. You couldn’t bare the thought of leaving and he was right.

“I— I’m sorry, you– you should leave me alone. Th–The damage is done, wh— what more is there? You don’t— you don’t want me to get hurt… but what about you? I worry about you and everyone else…” you couldn’t help but hiccup half your sentences but Souji stayed and instead walked over to you and put his arms around you while leaning against your side to give you no space. You were trying to calm yourself down but your breathing was a bit too heavy.

You looked over at him as you accepted his embrace and wrapped your arms around him as well. “I’m sorry, Souji. I’ll try to think more rationally next time,” you croaked out as you were the one mostly leaning into him now. Were you tired now? He wanted to stay with you longer but you didn’t tell him to leave again. Maybe he could enjoy this moment more.

“Can I… stay? For the night?” Souji quietly asked. You looked up to him and smiled despite the painful day you had.

“I want that… more than anything right now.”

[very-normal-abt-this]

I forgive you = I don't forgive myself.

 Here is a little psychological analysis of the worst sentence ever uttered in the history of everything. I've decided that Aziraphale is utilizing a subconscious psychological defense strategy called "projection" (I'm a professional psychologist, so I can use the lingo :P)

We all use this at certain times in our lives. What happens is, when we feel that our behaviors, feelings, or thoughts are unacceptable; When they go against some of our values and create an internal value conflict - we feel shame, anger, fear, confusion. Feeling this way about ourselves is extremely uncomfortable, so sometimes, instead of acknowledging those feelings ("Wow I am feeling really angry at myself right now"), people will *Project* those feelings onto the person who is involved in the situation that is causing us to feel that value conflict. And, we are more likely to use this defense strategy when our emotional resources have been depleted. When we don't have the emotional energy to recognize and cope with painful feelings that we are feeling. Sometimes its just easier to be angry at someone else, instead of being angry at ourselves, you know?

Now, lets look at how this concept applies to Aziraphale's reaction to *The Kiss.* We know that his emotional resources have certainly been depleted by all of the emotional events that just occurred in the span of a day: planning and executing the ball, building up the courage to ask Crowley to dance, actually dancing with Crowley in front of everyone, realizing that he put his guests in serious danger when demons show up, fighting for his life, seeing Jimbriel and Beelz get their happy ending and realizing that it is possible,  seeing Metatron come down from Heaven, and finally being offered an insane opportunity for himself and for Crowley. Wow, that is.... A LOT, don't you agree?  So, by the time Aziraphale is having the "final 15" conversation with Crowley - he can no longer effectively process unexpected and complex thoughts and emotions.

Uuuuunfortunately, that is exactly what he gets during the conversation with Crowley. First, Crowley has an unexpected and complex reaction to the offer of being together as angels (unexpected to emotionally unhinged Aziraphale, not to us of course). Then, Crowley proceeds to drops an emotional bombshell by doing something that has never been done before - openly discussing the nature of their relationship and his feeling about Aziraphale. After that, Aziraphale himself chooses to show the most vulnerability and honesty about his feelings that he has ever shown (i.e. "I need you!"). And what is the final cherry on top of this "emotional tsunami" pie? The straw that completely breaks the camel's back? (aka temporarily breaks his friggin mind) ***THE KISS.***

As an aside, I am not AT ALL saying that Crowley was wrong for anything that he did or said in the final 15. I believe he was right to say and do all of it. I am simply breaking down the factors that were present in the context of that conversation. And one of the factors is -- the timing of it all was just horrendous. It was horrendous, because both of them had very depleted emotional resources at that moment in time. Aziraphale was basically primed to become completely overwhelmed and confused by all the new and complicated emotions/ideas that he was required to process. On top of it, he was required to process them in a very short amount of time, with damn Dickatron putting pressure on him to make a decision ASAP.

Okay, so what do humans do when we are completely overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions? Sometimes what happens is - we REVERT to the familiar. We REGRESS to things that are the most automatic and easiest to understand. We revert to thoughts and behaviors that have been the most practice, even if they are not effective and not relevant to the situation at hand (which we don't recognize until later, when we are out of that "fight of flight" state). 

Back to Aziraphale. He is experiencing an insane amount of emotions during and after the kiss. He is trying to process his emotions and the implications of the kiss; and he is also trying to make a super hard decision, all at the same time. What he should have done is say to Crowley - "wow this is a lot for me to process right now and I'm completely overwhelmed. Can I please have 15 minutes to myself so I can re regulate my nervous system, and then we will keep talking?"

Unfortunately, when we're overwhelmed by emotions - its really hard to see the different options available to us. We go into a sort of "tunnel vision" and revert to our internalized and automatic beliefs and behaviors. For Aziraphale, that means - regressing to the old beliefs that Heaven has programmed into him. Maybe beliefs like: acting on carnal desires is wrong (look at what happened to adam and eve); good angels don't engage in physical intimacy and they certainly don't crave it or enjoy it; it's selfish to consider choosing your personal happiness and your personal desires over an opportunity to help others/help the world.   If those are some of his old values - Aziraphale has just acted against all of them!

When we act against our old values (even when we know that those values are no longer working for us, and we are actively working on changing them) - we still feel ashamed, guilty, and angry at ourselves. This is especially likely to happen in times of great stress and emotional overwhelm. So, now we get to the equation from the top. Aziraphale is feeling ashamed of himself, angry at himself, and guilty for his thoughts and feelings (i.e. for liking/wanting the kiss, for loving Crowley, for wanting to be with Crowley more than he wants to "help the world").

He is feeling that he needs to be forgiven for the way he feels, and for the way he is. However, due to his temporarily deficient emotional resources  -  Aziraphale is not able to accurately attribute the feelings he is experiencing (anger, shame, guilt, desire for forgiveness) to the correct source. He mistakenly decides that he must be feeling those feelings towards Crowley (not toward himself), and he must be feeling them because of what Crowley did (Kiss him), not because of what Aziraphale did (enjoy and reciprocate the kiss). And Viola, the process of Projection is now complete.

He says: "I forgive you" to Crowley, but Aziraphale is the one who wants his own forgiveness. Which, unfortunately, he does not get. At least not yet. (Yay for religious trauma).

In conclusion, the sad thing about bad timing and projection is: now Crowley is worried that Aziraphale sees him as sinful and unacceptable, as someone who needs forgiveness. But the truth is, Aziraphale is the one who still struggles with seeing himself as sinful and unacceptable, and as someone who needs forgiveness for his urges, desires, and feelings.

But, the good news is - Aziraphale does not always see himself in that way. We know that he has been putting a lot of work into breaking away from heaven's toxic values, and into developing his own values (e.g. "our side"). Like I said above, old habits die hard, they are more likely to surface during times of stress, and all that is a normal part of the process of psychological change.

I am very confident that once Aziraphale has a hot minute to himself, once he has time to calmly process everything that's happened - he will see some things differently. And he will eventually be doing the Apology Dance for "using projection as a deadly weapon. " :)

[kandadze]

Ep 27 loose thoughts

Well, that's one way of snapping someone shell-shocked out of making a drastic decision. I feel like PSJ snapped something in herself at this moment, too. Anyone else found the ancestor's commentary going on in the background while the girls are bawling their eyes out hilarious? Just me? Okay.

While I was waiting for the ever burning wood to activate or something, the moment WX opened the box to reveal dried flowers I choked. ZYC!!!

Baby!Yichen breaks my heart, so impressionable, so open to learn. It's interesting to see that the phrases about suffering we've seen him use as an adult might have come from WX... Not a fan of telling people in mourning to stop dwelling in misery and sadness like it's as simple as flipping a switch (not to mention, she apparently *just* met him for the first time? The heck?), but at least the rest of her words seem to have helped him... so much that he kept the flowers 😭 The irony of her snow metaphor contrasted with their current predicament is indeed exquisite, A+ for that.

Are they going to be saved by the power of lurrrrve??? (At least this time. Still holding out for how that's gonna play out in the finale.) I mean, what other way to sway an ancient creature who's seen pretty much everything there is to see, than to show them something new? What's that? A test for a future event? (I'm getting really paranoid about nothing we've seen so far being real. It's like Alice in Wonderland on a bigger scale. Or Finnegans Wake on a smaller scale. I don't know.)

Oooh Bingyi and Ying Long, our original doomed couple (of self-sacrificial idiots)! I would watch a whole drama just about them. And damn, I can definitely see where Zhao Yuanzhou got his masochism from. Stoppppp not "Just let me be the first star"! (Especially since I just remembered ZYZ's "I'll be the rain...") It's not supposed to be literal! 😭😭😭 Ahhhh this scene just broke me, also because it seems to reinforce the idea that ZYZ *has* to be killed for the greater good. The visualssss in the execution- sacrifice? What the heck do I even call it?- scene though, soooo good!

"Let me do it myself." LET ME DO IT MYSELF??? FUCKKKKKKK DAMNIT HE JUST- ::head in hands, crying forever::

"Remember. This is my choice, not yours. You don't have to bear any blame or guilt." That's not how that works. That's not how any of that works!

Again, we're dealing with choices. But the fact that ZYZ choice was the same as Ying Long's... the fact that YL says that neither he nor Bingyi had any regrets... oh this is going to hurt.

Oh? ZYZ's future is not what he wants? (And wouldn't that be funny, considering ZYZ's own words while schooling ZYC in the very first ep... 9 times out of 10, things don't go our way?)

"You two are really like us." 😭😭😭

I was wondering if they were going to show us what ZYC saw, and not only does the image of ZYZ's body on that dark floor mirror Ying Long's body floating in the water, both ZYZ and ZYC wear the same clothes as in the very few scenes from the trailer that didn't happen yet... These poor sods, they've been Going Through It for almost a decade now with the only end in sight being yet another tragedy (even if the drama seems to suggest that they don't see it that way at this point.) ::head in hands, crying continues::

"My friend is here. We'll go together." The *sound* I made. Everything else this drama has given me aside, the growth of these characters and their bonds is so well done, and absolutely precious to me.

I want Ying Long's hopes and wishes for them to become true. Seeing how there's hints everywhere in this drama, I hope the words of one of the most powerful beings in existence will count for *something* in the end! (Am I grasping at straws? Maybe. Let me be delusional for a bit longer.)

What do you mean, five, ZYC? What's Ying Lei, chopped liver?

Oof this *almost* hug before WX starts feebly hitting ZYZ. It's relief, it's anger, it's fear for the next time, it's all the feelings that became too big to contain. I feel her so much. (I would've started whacking both him and ZYC way earlier tbh 😅) And ZYZ allowing her that release before pulling her in for reassurance, patting her as if she was a scared child. 😭 Cut to PSJ, looking as if she wanted nothing more but to be the one offering the reassurance to WX. Cut to ZYC, remembering that willingly or not, he's going to hurt WX beyond reassurance. Once again, the bonds in this drama!

Wait hold up hold on what? You just removed Bingyi's blood from him, that should mean that ZYC will not have to become a demon, right? So what's that about developing the inner core? (Also, I just realized that so far all they got from this trip was "go east and ask for a dragon scale" lol) Thankfully him and ZYZ had their conversation(s) about titles and identities so being asked to make that particular choice was not completely out of left field at this point. And all he cares about is whether that means that the last trace of Ying Long will disappear! 😭 (I'm so with Bingyi on this one... I would hold onto that last shred of my friend's existence, too, *especially* if they offed themself via my goddamn sword.)

What's with that look after he says that he thinks he has it - the inner core - is there a joke here somewhere? (I *gotta* go back to learning the language, the things I'm undoubtedly missing on!) The only thing I can think of is - did they think he said he's pregnant??? ::dies:: "So what's your true form?" "Must be dragon." "I say you're a mule." "Better than being a monkey." "I'm a white ape!" ::dies again:: Nice to see we still get a friendly ribbing between all of them, and I can breathe after all the angst. Fingers crossed? There's still 5 minutes left...

Oh good, let's talk about getting Bai Jiu back! (I knew there was one more character from the opening credits that didn't show up yet... guess it's the rebel princess.) While Ao Yin is eavesdropping! Talk about good hearing. Sigh, here it comes, another goal they have that will conflict with Li Lun's; they want the scale to restore the sword, and LL not only doesn't want that to happen, the scale could potentially help him get rid of the poison.

Oh for fuck's sake, I think I was subconsciously waiting for Chongwu Camp to show up, knowing that they've eavesdropped on the gang earlier, and here they are. ZYZ should really think of putting up some sound barrier when they discuss important plans, everyone seems to know exactly what they'll be doing at any given moment!

Ahhhh we're getting a nod to that little cough and stumble WX had shortly before this trip. Something's wrong with Baize token? Or with her connection to it? We only have 7 episodes left, drama!

(ZYC is such a good little brother.) Oh great, it was the rebel princess who killed WX's dad? I repeat, we only have 7 episodes left!

Sigh... with only 7 episodes left, we *also* find out that the goddamn 3-face-mask has history with the princess? And has everyone and their mother sat on that little bridge???

This feels like the endless final scenes in Peter Jackson's "Return of the King," my head is spinning.

Note to self, *stop* looking at previews. Ying Lei, what the absolute fuck?

[theadhddimsenion]

we’ve done a lot of theories on how the internal plot lines of hell will develop but let’s not ignore the earth based plot lines and how they might tie into the greater story.

my guess is that Andy and Stella’s screw ups won’t stop at just making a scene at the harvest moon festival and ruining a crop but the coming invasion of hell by the dhorks is going to be pinned on them as vassago cleverly points out that such things would have never happened under stolas’s watch. Andy might try to pin the blame on stolas for alerting the humans to their existence by giving the imp the book but this time the “guilty until proven innocent” court system turns on him and he has no real proof that stolas’s actions are linked to the human invasion beyond his, Stella’s or strikers word which is far from enough or even trustworthy.

now the imp population is throughly pissed off! Because in the span of a few weeks to a month a pair of blue blooded pricks had not only tried to execute one of them for daring to do something other than serve them, (stolas’s had allegedly) manipulated and abused the one who was on the chopping block, Stella had caused a massive public scene with her usual bullshit, Andy had fucked up the years harvest causing a good shortage and had even led the humans right to them which had gotten several (relatively) innocent hellborn killed and now it’s almost impossible for the nobles to ignore the fact that this time the imps wouldn’t be put down as easily and now they had a leader and the angelic weapons needed to do some real damage!!

as I said in my last post this all leads to paimon trying to bribe his son into selling out blitz but failing miserably and being forced to remarry his Version of Stella.

now everything is in chaos! The ruling class of hell has few options left and those are ether destroy all of impkind which even if they can would mean the complete destruction of hells main source of labor, they can give up their power which will never happen, or there is one last option that none of them particularly like and that is giving into the lower classes demands and actually making good leadership decisions.

finally for the first time ever the ruling class of hell is forced to surrender and wave the 🏳️ and while they would rather die or see all of impkind dead before they give up their power entirely they at least are forced to give the imps (and hounds) the ability to climb up the ranks like any other demon in hell which prevents further civil war.

During this arc I can definitely see bee and Ozzie subtly sabotaging the war plan of the other sins due to them being more sympathetic to the so called “enemy” than the other sins.

Perhaps we could have moxxie taking control of his fathers mob after killing his rat shit of a dad to further bolster the ranks of revolution.

this could tie into the Octavia rescue episode as well as after hearing about blitz and his found family take on a get one over on none other than the king of the goetia himself than this could further radicalize the lower classes.

perhaps in a poetic way of justice satan sentences Stella and Andy to the same punishment stolas got but for much longer as a way of appeasing the downtrodden of hell. It’s not just ironic because they get the same thing stolas got but for the opposite reason stolas’s was punished, stolas was punished because the upper class wanted to pin the blame on someone and make the issue go away but now the two of the biggest symptoms of the classist system are being punished as a desperate means to appease the very lower classes they looked down on. In short stolas and blitz were made into scapegoats to deflect blame from the upper class and now Stella and Andy get the same treatment. What goes around comes around as they say.

perhaps the food shortage problem and Stella and Andy’s jackassery at the harvest moon festival could be a way to tie Millie’s family into the plot.

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

Hi!

Would Platonic Yandere! Scott Summers ever manipulate reader? Or just fully or subtly infantilize them to keep them safe? Or maybe even gaslight them?

To him it would just be like oh I’m doing it to keep you safe of course even if I am making you rely on me but I don’t want you to realize this :)

(Sorry if this is a crappy ask I haven’t gotten a chance to really get into X - Men and the idea was really only half formed when i submitted it)

(Ps why does Scott kind of lowkey give off Platonic Yandere! Dick Grayson vibes? No just me? Ok 🥹😂)

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️💙💙💙💙

⭐️anon

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍…

!!! GN reader, manipulation (shocker), strict Scott, control issues, Dck Gryson cameo, accidental infantilism, accidental gaslighting.

X-Men content is like a drug. I was dragged in by ‘97, then started watching the OG cartoon, then started picking up the comics, and now look at me. My life is ruined. Run while you still can.

Scott’s manipulation completely comes in the form of abusing his leadership position. He’s not afraid to threaten you with disciplinary action as the field commander of the X-Men, even if it’s over something as little as you not wanting to abide by his made up curfew. If you wanna be an X-Men, then you have to listen to him both on and off the field. How can he depend on you if you don’t, huh?

Scott has to be in control. Bad things always happen when he’s not, so the thought of not having you — someone he views as a sibling, or even his own child — under wraps is absolutely terrifying. Yes, it might seem like he’s being a total prick to you, but this is just what all of the trauma over the years has done to him. He can’t really help it!! Please respect his authority!!

He just wants to keep you safe… please let him keep you safe…

Now, I usually imagine the reader to also be an X-Man when it comes to platonic Scott. But if that’s not your cup of tea, then the whole leader thing kind of falls flat. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t hold the same commanding presence, however. “Because I said so” is his main go-to for manipulation (if you even wanna call it that), and he’ll say it in the same tone he uses against Wolverine or Gambit whenever one of those bozos are acting up. He’s older and wiser than you, and that obviously means he knows best. Why are you questioning him?

As for the Dick Grayson comparison… not gonna lie, I’ve thought about a Nightwing/X-Men collab idea before, but that’s beside the point. Dick has a full arsenal of manipulation tactics at the ready, one of them being the more stricter, no-nonsense angle that may be reminiscent of Scott’s. But whereas Dick likes to metronome between any and every possible manipulative strategy out there, Scott pretty much only has one. And it’s barely a conscious decision, either. Should he ever have to actually think about manipulating you, he’s actually feel pretty guilty about it before convincing himself it’s for your own good.

Infantilism is less of a manipulation tactic and more of a way he shows his love. He is 100% convinced you’re just a little baby and doesn’t find it weird at all to treat you as such. His delusional ass will absolutely carry you around in his hip and think you’re the crazy one for not liking it. There might be a little gaslighting in that regard, but definitely not heavy-handed or on purpose. You’re an adorable little thing… don’t all adorable little things like to be carried? Huh… weird. Maybe you’re just not used to it.

All and all, while he’s sharp enough to see through most forms of manipulation, actually executing it is another story. This man is way too blunt to be charming and too emotionally constipated to lean harder into his softer side. Heads up: there’s a chance you may walk in on him reading books on parenting.

[autistic-danieljackson]

So here's what Stargate Atlantis: The Official Companion Season 3 has to say about Sunday:

"It's more complicated than anyone will ever know," says writer Martin Gero of why the decision was taken to kill off Carson Beckett. "It wasn't like, 'Hey, let's kill somebody!' It was for numerous, incredibly complex reasons, having to do with the show overall."

*cough* Ratings *cough*

For a long time, Gero had wanted to see the characters of Stargate: Atlantis in a situation very different from the perils they usually face. He wanted to see them during 'down time'; relaxing, enjoying each other's company and generally having a life not plagued by danger.

Martin Gero, the writer we deserve.

"For a couple of years Martin had wanted to do an episode about a day off," recalls executive producer Brad Wright, "a non-urgent mission. And I said 'Well, I love that as the backdrop...and then something incredibly dramatic happens!' Because I don't think the audience wants to watch anyone sleeping. A day off that is un-dramatic and does not have a huge event centered around it is not going to be that good."

Listen. I don't know about anyone else but I know this is mine and many fan-fic writers' dream. I want to see every bit of a characters life. I would've watched 15 episodes about the characters having lunch and playing board games and hanging out. There is literally nothing more I want to see than my favorite characters having a good time. Just say it's for the ratings, don't try and put this on the audience. Alright, enough of my interjection back to the book.

"I had been pitching this day off episode forever," says Gero. "Brad said, 'This is a dangerous place. There are no days off in Atlantis.'"

Again, bullshit but I'll hold my tongue.

Then there's a bit about how they decided to write things and film things and the different processes they went through. Then more from Martin Gero at the end:

"Usually when we show the director's cut of shows up here [in the production office], it goes through the gauntlet of people making fun of it. That's harsh, but it's an important part of the process because you need to know what doesn't work. And the more vocal your audience, the better, so that when the producers go down to do the final cut, we can try to make the episode better. That started, and then for the last three acts there was really complete silence. When the lights came up, I turned around and Brad was crying. Everyone was just very somber. It was awful that we had to do it, but Brad thinks it's the best episode of Atlantis, period."

No one made you do this!! In fact, we all would've liked very much if you hadn't done it!

After the breakdown of each episode, there's a little report on each main cast character and a blurb about the recurring cast as well as sections about the making of the show. Here's some from Carson's report:

McGillion reveals that whatever shock the audience felt when they learned of Beckett's demise, it was nothing to his own. "It was absolutely not my decision to leave the show," he says plainly, remembering how he heard the news. "We shot 'Phantoms' on location. We came back for one day to finish the episode on the stage, and one of the ADs asked me to go up to the office because [executive producer N.] John Smith wanted to talk to me. I thought, okay, maybe they saw the dailies for 'Phantoms' and they're really happy with my work. Maybe they want to say, 'You did a good job,'" he recalls. "I did not see it coming at all. We went to Brad's office and it was myself, John, Brad, and Robert. I have to have respect for what they did - they called me to the office and told me in person that they wanted to shake things up with the show and unfortunately they had to kill a character off. It had to be somebody of significance so that the fans would have a reaction to it. And my number came up. I was shocked, to be honest with you, and I was disappointed because I love working on the show and I've had some great relationships with the cast and crew."

Wanted. to. Shake. Things. Up.

For McGillion, filming Beckett's final episode after three years of working with the same cast and crew was, understandably, not easy. "It was very difficult to shoot, especially that last scene with David."

Stop I'm crying again 😭

Then it's talking for a bit about how Paul had to come back to film a bit after 'Sunday' and that the last things he filmed were for 'The Ark.'

"I forget exactly what the scene was. I was kind of blurred that day because I knew it was my last day and no one else did," the actor recalls. "I didn't want anyone else to know because I'm somewhat like Beckett, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I didn't want to get emotional. Martin [Wood] shot 'The Ark', and [he and] Alex Pappas, who is the greatest AD that we have, were going to make a little announcement: 'This is a wrap on Paul for the show.' I asked Alex not to do that, because I just couldn't deal with that at that point in time. I didn't even tell the cast. We shoot so much out of sequence that no one knows when it's someone's last day. So I left and I saw Rachel [Luttrell] and told her. David had left [so] I called him to let him know. The next night all the cast went out for dinner, so that was nice. It's tough, but I'd rather just go out quietly."

Real life Carson Beckett, I love him so much 🥺

But that's about what it says on the episode. I know people have been saying this forever but I like to get it from the source as well. I am even angrier now than I was before which I truly did not think was possible.

If you like behind the scenes stuff, I think this is a great book! I'm going to follow along when I do my Atlantis watch-through, there's a lot of great stuff in here. Would recommend if you can get your hands on it, even if it does make you extremely angry at times. 😂

[justalost4girl]

Three

word count: 3323 one two

Luke's POV

Luke stared at the phone with a growing sense of discomfort as he tried to distract himself from the smiles of the lovers before him. The previous night had been strange, with Alex calling and arranging everything with meticulous precision. The plan seemed simple: make Natasha believe they had an important meeting while he would go out to meet Alex.

Knowing he would have to kill Natasha, Luke was consumed by a mix of fear and guilt. The knowledge of this obligation troubled him throughout the day, and despite the crushing weight of the decision, he decided to let Natasha and Newton enjoy themselves as much as possible, as a final indulgence.

He watched the two of you leave hand in hand and sighed, going back into the room and opening a bottle of whiskey while waiting for a signal from Alex. Memories of the early days of his life flooded his mind: when he was just Luke, your best friend, the kid you annoyingly clung to because he had the same name as your favorite Jedi, the son, the father, the brother, and everything he always wanted to be. A good man, God forgive him, and may you forgive him as well.

Before sunset, the phone rang, and he had to focus to find Alex. During dinner, Luke's nervousness was at its peak. He wondered if he would ever be like Alex and have the stomach to patiently cut the meat while planning an execution. Alex seemed to sense the tension in the air and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Do you know how you're going to do it? What's your plan for them?" he asked seriously and without expression.

"‘What do you mean, them?’ Luke asked, almost choking on his food and looking incredulously at Alex.

Alex, with a cold and distant smile, replied, ‘Luke, you need to understand. For this to seem real, you have to be fully committed. Natasha and… the other one, your friend. You know what needs to be done.’

Alex's words were a harsh blow to Luke.

‘I… understand,’ Luke murmured, his voice laden with tension. ‘I’ll do what needs to be done.’

‘The Agency suggested an accident,’ Alex said, looking deeply into Luke's eyes. ‘A car crash, quick and painless. The same old excuse—drunk driver who fled the scene and so on. We have eyes on the police, and within a week, no one will remember the accident. My method involves a gun and two clean shots,’ Alex added, ‘or three if necessary.’

With a tense nod, Luke turned back to his plate, the weight of the decision crushing his shoulders. Alongside the fear and guilt, he knew he was about to make an irreversible decision, and there was no turning back.

Luke sat in his room, holding the photo you had given him some time ago. Tears welled up in his eyes as he silently apologized for what he was about to do. He took the laptop and opened the email he had saved—a letter he had written to you, meant to be delivered when he traveled. It was a formal apology, saying he would always be there for you and that you shouldn't be surprised when he left. An apology for bringing Romanoff into your life.

As he read his own words, Luke made a difficult decision. He knew he had gone too far and hurt someone innocent who had nothing to do with these organizations. Instead, he decided to attach the folder he had been compiling from the beginning to the email, containing all the evidence he had gathered against Hydra. He knew that if you joined forces with Natasha, you could dismantle Hydra together.

He scheduled the email to be sent to both your address and Natasha's, closed the laptop, and took one last glass of his favorite whiskey while saying goodbye to the starry city sky."

-- The rain has stopped falling on your head, but it continues on the pavement. But you were on the pavement, and now you're not. Nothing makes sense. You blink several times, trying to focus your vision. Everything looks blurry, and your head is pounding. You look at your hands—they seem like your hands. There's a car against a pole a few meters away from you. "I'm sorry for bringing her into your life." The words echo in your mind, confusing. Where is Natasha? She was in front of you. A moment ago, you were at the restaurant, so why does your stomach hurt?

Did she say she loved you?

Your heart races. You taste the metallic tang of blood in your mouth and realize you bit your lip too hard. You try to stand, but your legs are trembling. Everything is shaking and wet. Your thoughts are scrambled, and everything around you is spinning. You call out for Nat, but your voice comes out weak and trembling. Every second feels like an eternity as you struggle to understand what happened and why Luke's car hasn't moved from its place against the pole.

Nat appears in your field of vision, wet and radiant. How can someone look so beautiful in the rain? She seems serious on the phone, murmuring words you can barely understand before rolling her eyes and hanging up. Is she… speaking Russian? Since when does Nat speak Russian?

She gently holds your chin and whispers, "Love, look at me, okay? Just at me, it'll be okay, I'm here. Breathe."

There's a clear worry in her eyes, a tension that wasn't there at the restaurant. You furrow your brow, trying to focus as you watch her. Natasha always smiles when she talks to you, but now her lips are tense, and you miss that familiar curve.

Her fingers snap in front of you, grabbing your attention. "Newton, are you listening to me? Look at me, say something, please. It's me, your Nat, I'm here, okay?" She caresses your face and pulls you into her chest.

You hear her heartbeat, and it calms you, helps you ground yourself.

Gradually, you begin to remember the last minutes: Luke’s message, Natasha saying she loves you, his car coming towards you, and his body in the vehicle. Luke is dead.

You cry uncontrollably in Natasha’s arms, her embrace anchoring you as her heartbeat offers a familiar comfort. You don’t understand why Luke would do something like this. Drinking and driving were things he always warned you to avoid. He warned you and will never be able to do so again.

Luke is dead, and it takes you a week to say anything. You follow Natasha as she takes care of everything you should have been doing. Luke’s body hasn’t even cooled yet, and Luthor Corp is already publicly accused of selling sensitive client data to a pharmaceutical company. You don’t pay attention to the details, as you spend most of the week sleeping or crying in the hotel room, avoiding the press and listening to Natasha talk about body transport. Sometimes, she murmurs in Russian during a late-night meeting and comes to your room whenever she can.

The flight was finally booked, Natasha announced. A mix of relief and sadness enveloped you as you began to pack your things. The process of packing your suitcase had turned into a ritual of farewell, a blend of acceptance and sorrow. One suitcase should have been enough, but suddenly, you found yourself dealing with more than you had anticipated: Luke’s suitcase, his personal computer, and clothes that now seemed like mere mementos of a life that had changed drastically.

You were exhausted, the fatigue showing in every movement, but you continued because Natasha was already overwhelmed. The days following the fateful night had been a whirlwind of emotions, and now, with your open suitcases and the clothes that needed folding, reality felt even heavier.

You picked up Luke’s computer and carefully placed it in your suitcase. The idea of using the computer to track your lost cell phone had appeared as a glimmer of hope. The phone had vanished the night of the accident, and its location was a mystery you were determined to solve. Not that you hated what Natasha had given you; in fact, the gesture had been more than generous, but there was something deeper you needed to understand and resolve.

The computer was a key piece, a connection to Luke’s life and what he had left behind. It was a way to find some order amidst the chaos, to connect the dots and understand what had really happened. It was a way to try to make sense of it all.

Natasha’s phone rings for the fourth time that day, and, as with the others, she ignores it. The fall of Luthor Corp brought unexpected relief but also a void of uncertainties. Natasha has taken on the role of guardian and protector, offering not only safety but also the emotional support needed. She has been congratulated by all the agents at the agency, but she avoids the boss, knowing that Nick Fury would not support her plans to keep you by her side.

Abandoning you after your friend sacrificed himself to keep both of you safe is inconceivable to Natasha. However, she can’t prove that Luke sent the folder with evidence to the only email she still had access to on his own accord. She sees you sitting across from her, and her heart races. After the return trip, you became a bit more receptive, vulnerable and Natasha wouldn’t give that up for anything.

Seeing you cry as you got off the plane was an emotional blow for Natasha. The rain falling seemed like a reflection of your inner state, and she knew it had been a trigger for you, evoking painful memories of that night. The sound of the rain and the sight of the overcast sky brought the weight of the past back with intensity, and the only thing that calmed you was the sensation of her heartbeat.

From that moment on, Natasha made a silent promise to herself: never to give up on orbiting by your side for the time they still had available. It was a promise of support, of constant presence, even amidst pain and confusion. The weight of the decision to hide your phone that night continued to trouble her. She almost felt guilty for taking that action, considering how much it meant to you. However, the truth was that if she hadn’t hidden your phone, her disguise would have been uncovered.

The restaurant seems crowded, but Natasha knows there are agents watching. This terrifies her, but as she feels your hand touch hers, she wishes, for a moment, to forget the world and lose herself in the way your hair falls on your face and how your hands are still soft despite you spending the day typing.

She squeezes your hand across the table and smiles at your smile. ‘Can I ask you something?’ She notices the tension in your voice and gestures patiently, encouraging you to continue.

‘Do you love me? Like, really love me, not just to keep me by your side or something like that. Do you truly love me, Nat?’ You ask, your voice trembling with emotion, and Natasha realizes she doesn’t like that tone. She squeezes your hand again to make you look at her.

‘I love you, Newton. From the heart and on purpose. In some parallel universe, there’s a version of me that misses a part of herself because she never met you,’ she says sincerely. She has learned to love you and wants you to know that.

‘You wouldn’t lie to me about this, would you?’ You lean in and return the gentle squeeze of her hand, your doubts crawling in the back of your mind.

‘Never, not about this,’ she responds, and immediately regrets it as the phrase implies she might have lied at other times. But before she can explain, you lean back with a half-smile and ask for the check.

A message from Nick Fury alerts Natasha about a meeting the next morning, and she decides to open a bottle of wine to spend the night with you. The mood seems lighter and more relaxed, and you share a soft conversation as you draw closer. The night progresses, and as you enter the room, Natasha pulls you into a passionate kiss.

While giving in to the moment, Natasha feels that something is different. There’s an intensity in you that she can’t explain, an energy that seems out of the ordinary. She tries to ignore these feelings, immersing herself in the kiss and the caresses, seeking comfort and closeness. The touch is familiar, but the emotional connection feels different this time.

Despite the strange feeling, Natasha allows herself to be lost, ignoring the unease that disturbs her. Her thoughts clear with the sensation of your lips on her skin. She feels a sense of calm washing over her, her muscles begin to relax, and the world seems to fade around, her focus on the warmth of your touch.

You continue to kiss her neck softly, your lips grazing her soft skin. She lets out a sigh, a slight shiver running down her spine, your touch causing her to melt into it. As you continue, you can feel her body pressing slightly closer to you, her hand grasping the hem of your shirt.

Your lips continue to move up her neck to kiss her jawline, her skin warm beneath your touch. She sighs and tilts her head, giving you more access. Your fingers gently cup her cheek, and you can feel her lean into your palm. You can hear her heartbeat beginning to quicken as your touch continues.

You move away from her neck and look into her eyes, seeing the dazed and wanting look in them. You give her a smirk before your kisses move down her collarbone and to her chest. She lets out a shaky breath, her fingers going to your hair, gently pushing your head further down.

The night passes, the hours melting away as passion and desire take over. You and Natasha spend the evening in each other’s arms, losing yourselves in each other’s touches and kisses. The rest of the world outside the room seems to disappear, the only thing that matters being each other’s presence.

Natasha wished she had looked at you a little longer

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Four months ago - SHIELD headquarters

Nick Fury looked at Natasha with a stern expression. The environment around them was somber, with the office lights casting heavy shadows on the walls, reflecting the weight of the conversation about to unfold. The room was silent except for the distant sounds of keyboards and the murmurs of other agents working out of sight.

Fury sat behind an imposing desk, his posture rigid and his piercing gaze fixed on Natasha. He knew what he was about to say wouldn’t be well received, but there was no other choice. He had to be direct.

“Romanoff,” Fury began, his voice cold and relentless, “the mission is over. You need to end it now.” The words were like a sentence, laden with authority and a tone that allowed no discussion.

Natasha stood tall, trying to maintain a façade of firmness, but her heart sank with the weight of Fury’s words. She was aware that Hydra had been hit, but leaving you was difficult.

“She still needs me, Fury,” Natasha argued, her voice revealing a hint of desperation. “I can’t just disappear. It will cause more harm than good. She only has me.”

Fury shook his head slowly, his expression unchanged, as if the decision was beyond Natasha’s reach. “Collateral damage, you don’t have a choice,” he said, his voice as unyielding as a rock. “If you don’t end the mission, I’ll make sure she discovers the whole truth. That you approached her only because of the mission. That you killed her boss and hacked everything within your reach.”

Natasha felt a chill run down her spine. The idea of losing everything she had built over the past few months was almost unbearable. She knew Fury was right; he had the authority to do this and was known for following through on his threats.

"You don’t understand," Natasha tried to explain, her voice a little quieter but laden with emotion. "I… I didn’t do this just because of the mission. I care about her. And now, this is much more complicated than any operation."

Fury looked at Natasha with a mix of skepticism and resolve. "Complicated or not, the mission has rules, and those rules must be followed. And you know that by breaking them, you’re risking not only the mission but also her safety."

Natasha felt the pressure mounting, her mind racing as she tried to find a solution. "Give me more time," she pleaded, her tone now more desperate. "I can fix this without her finding out the truth."

"I’ve already waited long enough," Fury replied with a firmness that left no room for negotiation. "Your mission is to end it now. And if you don’t, I’ll have to intervene. I don’t want to do that, Natasha, but I won’t let personal interests interfere with SHIELD’s security and objectives."

Those words hit Natasha like a punch to the gut. She knew Fury was committed to enforcing the rules and that his threats were not empty. The weight of the decision hit her with full force, and she began to consider the pain you would feel if you found out.

Natasha Romanoff hated herself a little more now.

With a defeated sigh, Natasha nodded and started walking toward the door. She knew she needed to follow orders, even if it meant facing the end of something precious to her. But as she took the first step, her gaze met Fury’s once more. He looked almost sad, as if he understood the gravity of the situation but also comprehended the need to move forward.

"Go home and do what’s necessary to end this cleanly; I’ll get you a week," Fury concluded, his voice softening slightly but still firm. "And remember, Natasha, work comes first."

With those words, Natasha left the room, her heart heavy and her mind tumultuous. She knew that the task ahead would be one of the hardest of her career, but loyalty to the mission and to SHIELD had to prevail. She needed to find a way to protect you, even if it meant breaking her own heart.

Natasha felt a lump form in her throat. Fury’s words were a painful blow, but the reality was even harsher. She didn’t want you to know that her love had started as a mission, that her intentions, at first, were not pure.

The tension grew in her chest as she drove back to the apartment she shared with you. The conversation with Fury echoed in her mind, and she knew that any action would break both your hearts. She parked the car and entered the elevator, her legs almost faltering with each step. The journey home seemed endless, and the weight of the lie was crushing her. She was determined to make the seven days count, but she didn’t want to face the end of you both.

Natasha walked toward the bedroom, absorbing the touch of each part of the apartment that had until now been merely standard to make you interested in her. Your sandals at the door, thematic keychains that complemented hers, your scent in the house—everything was overwhelming.

When she opened the door, what she saw made her heart stop for a moment. You were sitting on the bed, Luke's laptop open on your lap, an unreadable expression in your eyes as you stared into the depths of her soul. The room was silent, except for the sound of your heavy breathing and the dim light illuminating your tense face.

___________________

Part 4 comes out this week. Comments are appreciated :)

taglist: : @langedelalune @esposadejoyhuerta @scarlettbitchx

[gabessquishytum]

Everyone seems to love warprize Hob so... what about something similar for Dream?

The Sun King has been fighting a war against the Endless kingdom for over a century. The Endless started it, and they're beginning to realize they can't win. They won't necessarily lose, but they definitely can't win.

So Time and Night offer their second oldest son in exchange for peace. Dream does not get a choice. The Sun King, Hob, agrees. He's tired of defending his kingdom, and Prince Dream is the most gorgeous creature he's ever seen. Time and Night immediately send Prince Dream to King Hob, no hesitation. Dream is certain he'll never see any of his siblings ever again (King Hob is not that cruel, his siblings can visit, but only if they behave)

Hob tries very hard to court Dream who is not having it. Hob's servants try to help after weeks of nothing and give Dream aphrodisiacs. Dream, unaware of what they are, eats them. The next thing he knows, he's on his back, on his bed, desperately trying to get off, but nothing is enough.

Hob comes in, and Dream immediately begins begging, pleading. He's so hot, and hard, and empty, won't his King fill him? Hob, unaware of the aphrodisiacs, takes Dream to pieces in what is the roughest, yet gentlest sex he's ever had; it's also undeniably the most satisfying. When Dream comes to the next morning, with the King wrapped tightly around him, he remembers everything. He's also certain that the King didn't actually have anything to do with the aphrodisiacs. He decides not to say anything. Anyone who can make him feel like that in bed deserves a chance to court him.

Weeks later, when Desire visits, they try to start shit with Dream, calling him a little whore for how easily and willingly he spreads for the King now. Hob is absolutely furious with the way Desire treats his beloved fiancé and nearly orders their execution. There is a reason the Endless feared him in the first place, you know.

- 🐺

Oh yes Dream can be warprized!! As a treat!!

King Hob gives me happy shivers because I imagine that he would generally be a fair ruler to his own people, but when it comes to the enemy in a war? He's merciless and terrifying. And he always holds a grudge, unless he gets adequate recompense or an apology.

Sending one of their princes is technically adequate recompense for the war, so Hob accepts the terms... and Dream turns up, absolutely agonised and terrified and so fucking angry. He's expecting Hob to be as awful as his own parents, but Hob is just like "wow super fucked up that you were sent here against your will, feel free to live your life as best as you can! I'm going to court you but you don't have to do anything unless you want to."

And Dream does NOT want to, so he gives Hob the silent treat... and tries to survive in his new life.

Unfortunately, Hob’s servants have questionable morals. While Hob is trying to make Dream feel safe and court him the old fashioned way, they... go for a different tactic. Dream ends up sweaty and naked in Hob’s bed, absolutely begging for some kind of relief.

(And ok, Hob isn't dumb. He knows what the symptoms of an aphrodisiac look like. He doesn't approve of what's been done to Dream, but he also can't waste the opportunity. At least he can make their first time together absolutely mind-blowing).

Hob is expecting Dream to hate him in the morning. Instead he wakes up with Dream’s mouth on his cock. All traces of the drug are gone, Dream is just... himself. And he's made a decision: if he's going to be the king’s pretty little plaything, he might as well be fucking good at it, and also have a great time. He can show his family that their actions mean nothing to him, now.

Desire shows up expecting to find Dream chained up to a wall somewhere. Instead, they find their big brother perched in the sun King's lap, wearing a diaphanous black robe that leaves nothing to the imagination... being hand fed a selection fruit. Desire is so annoyed. They wanted to see Dream humiliated, not cherished and loved!

Hob makes it very clear that Dream is his property now, and he won't stand for a him to be insulted in any way... Desire is already on thin fucking ice. They end up leaving early, metaphorical tail between their legs, to report back to the rest of the family that Dream is thriving. Damn him.